Take my mind
by BB-lover14
Summary: What would happen if you're told you had one year, one month or one day left to live. Would you grasp it with both hands, or would you spiral into depression?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This got stuck in my head. I don't own Castle.**

What would happen if you're told you had one year, one month or one day left to live. Would you grasp it with both hands, or would you spiral into depression?

No one can ever presume to know until it happens to them. People can imagine what they would do in that situation but you can never truely know. This what happened to Martha Rodgers and this is her story.

The day had started like every other day in her life, she had woken up at 7am. Birds could be heard chirping through the open window. Streams of sunlight making an intricate pattern across the wooden floor of her room. She pushed the covers back, slid her legs out and maneuvered herself to sit on the edge of the bed. Her feet wiggling into her comfy well-worn slippers that she loved. She rubs the sleep from her eyes, then stretches her arms above her head. She tries to pry the strong grasp of sleep from her body. She stands and heads for the bathroom, grabbing some undergarments on the way.

Twenty minutes she comes out refreshed and dressed for the day ahead. She has classes at the school this morning, they start at 9am. As it is only 7.30 am she makes her way down stairs to the kitchen. Here she finds Katherine, her son's girlfriend sitting cradling a cup of aromatic coffee in her hands. She looks tired, and she feels sorry for her. They didn't get in till late after catching a case yesterday. The young woman is already dressed in a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, a white crisp blouse with a pair of simple black heels with a metal 8 inch stiletto. She presumes that is why she up at this time, she must have to head to the precinct. She says morning to the girl before asking if she would like anything for breakfast. Katherine says she is okay and will grab something later but tells her to go ahead, she breezes past her towards the fridge. She takes out the milk and closes the door. She goes to the cupboard above the sink and gets a box of cereal down. She shakes it in front of the girl trying to encourage her to eat. For her efforts she gets a chuckle from the young woman. However she still refuses so she makes herself a bowl. Taking a seat at the breakfast bar is the next thing on her morning list.

She sits there comfortably in an unspoken silence with Katherine before the peace is shattered by the arrival of her son. He has never been a quiet boy, always having to make an entrance.

" Morning mother."

He pulls her into a quick side hug before letting go. He then turns to his girlfriend and pulls her in for a quick kiss on the lips. This makes the girl blush which makes Martha smile. She never though Katherine Beckett would have been so shy when she first met her. Richard sets about making himself some coffee so she carries on eating her cereal. Suddenly she gets a tickle at the back of her throat, she tries to swallow the feeling down with some milk. However this doesn't work and a coughing fit ensues. Cornflakes end up being projected all over the counter top as she fights for breath. Her son comes behind her and gently taps her on the back. Katherine hands her tissues which she gladly takes. She places them over her face as she coughs, the coughing last for five more minutes before it peters out. She takes the tissues away from her mouth and is not shocked to find speckles of blood tinging the material. This has happened for the last few weeks, up to now she has been able to hide the coughing fits from her family. She knows that they will worry about her, and until she knows what is up then she would rather they didn't know. She thinks the game is up, that they have seen the tissue but no one mentions it. She discreetly wraps it up in another tissues and places it in the bin.

After making sure she is definitely okay, her son and Katherine head off to work. She tidies up the mess she has made before heading off to the acting school.

She has another coughing fit later that morning and decides that she should see a physician about it. Even though she is sure it is probably due to a allergy or something along those lines. She manages to get an appointment later that afternoon and she counts down the hours until it comes.

She has convinced herself that it is nothing serious by the time they call her name at the clinic. She makes her way down the bland, depressing hall towards the doctor's office. She reaches his door and knocks on the chestnut wood. She hears him reply enter so she opens the door and walks in. She takes the seat opposite him, the chair a metal frame with a uncomfortable looking cushion.

" So Mrs. Rodgers what can I do for you today?" He politely asks.

"Well I've had this persistent cough for a few weeks now. However in the last couple of days I have brought up blood. So I thought I should get it checked out?."

The events after this go by like a whirlwind, she is sent off for multiple tests : Bloods, x-rays etc. The doctor wont tell why he wants all these things done. He just says he will check her after the tests come back. This takes two weeks to complete, she keeps things the same. Her family kept oblivious to all that is happening to her. She doesn't want to scare them until she knows herself.

Two weeks later she gets a call from the clinic they want her to come in and see the doctor. Anxiety spreads through her veins, a coldness washes over her and she can't shake it. She agrees to an appointment at 3pm. Her students notice that she is distant during their classes, they ask if she is okay she just nods and sets them group work.

Three o'clock comes too soon for her liking and she finds her self back in that dreary waiting room. Her fingers constantly twitching as she wonders what he will tell her. The announcement buzzer goes and she hears her name over the tanoy system. She toys with the idea of running the opposite way, not finding out what is wrong. On the other hand part of her wants to know so that she can plan for the future. She makes her way to the room where her life may change forever. The doctor is waiting by the door for her, that is never a good start. He leads her in and she takes a seat in that uncomfortable metal chair again.

The doctor looks solemn as he addresses her,

" Mrs Rodgers, all the test results have come back and I'm afraid as I feared it is not good news."

Her breath hitches she finds it hard to take deep enough breathes. The color drains from her skin, her palms become sweaty and her hearing goes tinny. The doctor continues...

" Mrs Rodgers, you have Cancer...More technically lung Cancer. "

He gives her time to let it sink in. Tears flood her eyes and make tracks down her cheeks. Cancer she has fucking cancer. She thought it was just a bad cough, a leftover of a cold.

" What's the prognosis?"

Even the doctor seems to have tears pricking at the corners of his eyes a he answers.

"It's too aggressive we can't treat it. It has already spread to your lymph nodes and kidneys. We can't be sure but maybe at best you might have a year. At worse you have three months. We can give chemotherapy to slow the process but then you have the horrendous side effects. You need to decide if it is worth the pain. I'm so sorry Martha."

She felt her mind and body go numb, void of emotions she stood up and left the room. She walks through the streets until her legs ache and can not hold her up any more. She finds her self in a small park at one end of central park. It is surrounded by clumps of trees providing shade and a place to escape. She sits on an empty bench and watches the children play on the equipment. It reminds her of her youth when she would bring Richard out to parks like these. His imagination would run wild, he would create stories about the area. He would invent his own characters, each of them described in a wonderful way. They would lose themselves there for hours, him playing, she would just be listening to his stories.

She drops her head into her hands, tears running through the gaps in her fingers splashing to the ground below. How was she going to tell Richard that she had cancer. It has always just been them no father in the picture. Then there was Alexis her granddaughter, it would break her heart to see her upset. Then there was Katherine who has grown to become the daughter she never had.A girl who lost her own mother due to a senseless act at 19 years old. At least she knew Katherine would be there to support her would all support each other.

She sat there for seemed like forever before she comes to a decision. She needed to tell them as soon as she could. She didn't want to leave it to the end as she thought this would be like betrayal. Also to be honest Richard would guess something was up, she wasn't that good of an actress. She pulls out her phone and sends a text to Richard, Katherine and Alexis. It simply says she wants to have a family dinner tonight. It doesn't give anything away, she heads home to redo her make up and start dinner. She knows Richard won't be home for another hour yet.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N This is a quick update... I would like to thank people for their reviews. I lost a close friend to Lung cancer, the effect was devastating seeing her fade away in front of me and I couldn't do any to help. I have also worked with families who are dealing with cancer, so I hope to bring a sense of reality to this story.**

She hears the sound of laughter fill the loft as Richard and Katherine enter and they're soon followed by Alexis. It's a sound she wants to etch into her mind, she never wants to forget that sweet sound. She sits at the top of the stairs, just out of view for a few minutes absorbing the sight before her. Her family altogether enjoying each others company.

" Mother, are you here?"

Her cover is blown as her son heads towards the stairs. He spots her before she can get up.

" Hey you okay? You look like you have been crying?"

She was going to wait till after dinner but she supposes now is as good as later. She ushers him back down the stairs and she soon brushes some of the tears away and addresses them, her voice cracking with emotion as she does.

"Everyone sit down, I need to tell you something."

They don't argue, Alexis sits in the arm chair, Richard and Katherine take the couch. They sit as close together as they can, his hand clasped between her delicate ones. She stands in front of them, she takes a deep breath and begins.

"I went to the doctors a few weeks ago due to my cough. I had a bunch of tests done and I got the results today. It's...It's."

The tears come like a torrential down pour she can't stop them. Richard goes to stand up but she ushers him back down with hand gesture.

She needs to finish this, she takes a deep breath.

" It's not good, I have cancer, lung cancer to be exact."

She hears Alexis sob and head towards her. She pulls the girl to her side, the other two are just appear shell shocked, tears are streaming down their faces as their brains process the news.

"It's terminal a year at the most, 6 months if I'm not so lucky."

She is enfolded in a crushing hug by all three before she can think. The warmth of having them embrace her, fill her heart with something she can't place. A feeling that only your love ones can give you. A feeling that resonates inside and bubbles to the surface. Alexis is sobbing into her shoulder, she can feel her tears soaking through her thin top. She cradles her to her side almost rocking her as she used to do when she was a baby.

" Mother I can't lose you, not now and not ever."

Hearing her son cry, breaks her heart into a million pieces. She feels it shattered and there is nothing she can do. Katherine has pulled back and has gone of to the side. Her expression is emotionless, but Martha knows her better than that. She can see that the news has brought Katherine's own mother's death to the surface. This is her coping method, her barrier and her shield. She has been damaged and hurt before she can almost sense the walls go back up. However something in Katherine's eyes tells her that she will be there for her son. She wishes that she had more time to spend with the woman who has stole her son's heart. She wishes she could see her grandchildren, she wishes she could see them get married. She can't face it no longer she pulls away from them and with lighting pace heads back towards her room. She needs time to think, to breathe, to come to terms with her illness. She can't let her family see her break. She shuts the door to her room, collapses on the bed and the sobs wrack her body as she realizes the true horror of the past 24 hours.

**A/N: The next chapter will explain the next stage of the disease: Denial/Guilt.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This was the hardest chapter to write, this one is very personal to me. I hope you enjoy it as much as you can.**

The next few weeks pass like a blur, a darkness looming over the loft. A sadness has the occupants gripped in it's hands. Alexis moves back into her room at the loft, her dorm all but forgotten. She tries to tell her that she should stay at University but her granddaughter will have none of it. Her place is here with the family she says, Martha is touched by the sentiment. Her son hasn't smiled in days, unshed tears constantly prick at the corners of his eyes. He wonders round with a sense of loss, not sure what to do. Not sure how he can help, he hasn't been to the precinct in days. Instead he stays by her side looking at her like she might break any minute. The problem is there is nothing to be fixed, the reality is that she is dying.

Katherine goes to work every morning as she should. However every morning before work she checks on her. Her emotions are all bottled up inside, the pressure mounting up until one day it will over flow and she will break. Katherine's mother was taken from the world quickly, there one minute and gone the next. Even though this was a devastating time, Martha thinks this was the best way. Katherine and her whole family will have to suffer through the pain of her getting weaker. They will have to watch her become a shell of the person she was.

She goes through a stage of denial, she feels like she is watching it happen to someone else. She would never wish this on anyone. She wants it to all be a mistake, she waits for the phone call. The phone where the doctor will tell her it got it very wrong. The one when he will tell her she doesn't have cancer but that call never comes.

The cough becomes more pronounced every day that passes. Speckles of blood on a tissue become a normal sight. Make up gives her the color to her skin that she now lacks. Her voice becomes hoarse with all the coughing. She has to give up teaching as she lacks the energy to teach a class. The pain creeps with every breath. Her son takes her back to the doctors, and he prescribes her some strong painkillers.

The first time she takes one it knocks her for six, she sleeps for hours. Her mood has changed, she is a lot more angry. She snaps at Alexis for no particular reason, she can't apologize quick enough. Alexis says it is okay but it's so far from okay.

A month into her predicted 6 months to a year she updates her will. Two months in she breaks down and sobs until her tears run dry. Three months in she makes a funeral plan.

After four months her breathing becomes more labored. She is started on oxygen at home. She is tethered to a oxygen cylinder by a plastic tube. Her legs begin to feel weak, just going up a flight of stairs is a mission. After five months she becomes at peace with her cancer, she tries to stay strong for her family. At six months she realizes the end is coming, her family pretend it isn't but she can feel it. Her body now so weak that feeding herself is a chore on it's own. She has to have someone to come in and help her get washed and dressed in the morning. At the beginning it was mortifying but now she looks forward to it. Someone to pamper her, someone to talk too, someone she can tell her worries to with out upsetting her family.

At seven months, well there is no seventh month. She passes away peacefully in her sleep at the local hospice. Her pain under control, her demons fought and her family by her side.

This was the story of Martha Rodgers, the strongest and most loving woman I ever knew.

Yours faithfully,

Richard Castle

( Her Son.)

** A/N Sorry if I've made you cry. My friend's lung cancer progress quickly one day she had chest pain and a cough then two weeks later a cancer diagnoses. I saw her in hospital two days later, she looked nothing like the woman I knew. The only thing I recognised was the twinkle in her eyes. I said my goodbye, then I got a call the next day that she had passed away in her sleep. Rest In Peace: Barbara, gone but never forgotten.**


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